McGuffins exist in most pieces of narrative fiction and video games, but the Blue Shell possesses a gravity the likes of which only Jupiter is familiar. Once the Blue Shell appeared in the Mario Kart universe I, all of a sudden, got bad at Mario Kart. Well, I didn't get bad, per se, but I was forced to up-end the strategy I had incorporated since the days of Super Mario Kart for the SNES. Up to that point, the hardest thing to circumnavigate in a Mario Kart game was the Red Shell. Outsmarting a Red Shell, by either dropping a banana behind you or taking a sharp turn around a corner used to be the hardest evasion to pull off. Now, if a Blue Shell is in play, you better damn-well hope you have one of those stupid single-speaker boomboxes to negate its A.O.E. Oh, and don't forget about the ghosts who will indiscriminately carjack you for whatever item you've covetously been saving.

 

Sometimes I can go down the rabbit hole with Mario Kart. Lakitu has always been the track marshal, operating the starting signal. My question is, who hired Lakitu? Does he own and operate the Mario Kart Circuits?

 

Let me get my tinfoil hat

 

Is there an ultra-secret Mario Kart Illuminati pulling all the strings? Have they all voted to name Lakitu the customer-facing deputy? Does the Mario Kart Illuminati decide when a Blue Shell appears? The elements of a Mario Kart race are morbid if examined long enough. More so than a simple cart racer, one could argue it's Death Race for children. There's a paddock full of racers who can't die but are forced to win every race by any means necessary, even if that means ruthlessly injuring fellow racers over and over again. Is the world of Mario Kart a Nintendo purgatory? I suspect the lore of Mario Kart doesn't run deep, but these questions and ideas need regular engagement from curious minds. 

 

I've found a little bit of heaven in Mario Kart 8 Deluxe and it's been a welcome respite from a horror world where the Blue Shell is allowed to exist. I simply go into the race options and turn off all items. I'm just there to have a worry-free race and not worry about some foreign obstruction fast approaching in my rearview mirror. 

 

The Blue Shell isn't a McGuffin granted to the worst player as a harbinger of balance. More often than not, a Blue Shell fired from the back of the pack is a fat middle finger to the leader, a scorched-earth big red button to press that reflects the true intention of all Mario Kart races: 

 

If I can't win, no one can.